woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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