Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
