he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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