tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
