I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
