If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Randomize
