you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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