sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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