Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
