drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Welp...herpes.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
