That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
