We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm bleeding and have questions
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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