the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
