I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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