i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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