So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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