I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
