I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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