I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
