It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
