I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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