Three words: puerto rican gang bang
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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