Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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