I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
