Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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