I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
pop tarts are not kleenex
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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