I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
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