never play flip cup with pint glasses
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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