grandma shit on top of the toilet
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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