I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Randomize
