Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
