Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
