JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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