You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
