She said her name was "party"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
