i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
There r osticjed everywhere
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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