She is in my trunk
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
