a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
