My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
