oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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