I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
