I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I think people are normalizing furries
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
