You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
