once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
