I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
