I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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