My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
