just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
