We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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