He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
