your parents love me but you hate me
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
