God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
