they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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